you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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