he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
