so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
