there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
