I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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