that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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