I smell stomach acid.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
