I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
