I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize