Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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