sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
