Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
