I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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