Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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