Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
