Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
