The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize