Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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