I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
