I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
