i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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