I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
