best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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