spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
