You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
