Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
