peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
