I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
