shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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