I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
