Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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