Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
