drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize