you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
