Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
