I wish you could order shots online.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
