I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
