I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
