ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
