you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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