They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
