So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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