Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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