dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
