i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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