Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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