apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
