Is it because I queefed?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
