Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
