Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
