Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
