Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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