I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
