I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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