the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
