i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
