What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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