It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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