I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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