I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
