he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
