Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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