I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
