he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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