i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
