There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
