her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
