I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
