I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
