tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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