woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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