just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She bit a glass in half.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
