Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
