I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
